Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
