We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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