Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
