Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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