I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
