just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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