There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
