Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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