Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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