just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
