Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
