she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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