Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
