hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
