Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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