she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
