I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
