well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
handjob tips. give me some.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
