I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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