i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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