just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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