I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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