Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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