i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
