Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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