SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
