you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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