I need help removing her.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
