I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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