This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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