i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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