dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
