I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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