i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
