I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
