Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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