i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
