Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
