haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to have your abortion
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
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No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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