If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
