Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
