this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
