i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FUCK WHALES
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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