I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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