life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
