I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
