yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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