I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
