Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
