why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
