Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............