hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
