he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.