I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
