Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
well you can't waste a boner
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
