Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!

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(757): then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?! http://tfl.nu/fmkj

Replies (2) Good night (707) Bad night (1216)
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(906): View more from Michigan

rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.

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(906): rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice. http://tfl.nu/1neh

Replies (9) Good night (962) Bad night (3830)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.

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(304): my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app. http://tfl.nu/wpzp

Replies (25) Good night (1262) Bad night (5914)
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(352): View more from Florida

I used to practice getting hit by cars.

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(352): I used to practice getting hit by cars. http://tfl.nu/t3x2

Replies (23) Good night (2235) Bad night (3404)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.

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(225): I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one. http://tfl.nu/gflz

Replies (11) Good night (4904) Bad night (1102)
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(903): View more from Texas

I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

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(903): I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk" http://tfl.nu/2chc

Replies (5) Good night (764) Bad night (2215)
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(815): View more from Illinois

just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.

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(815): just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays. http://tfl.nu/2pfb

Replies (7) Good night (2351) Bad night (659)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.

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(602): I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during. http://tfl.nu/nbdy

Replies (3) Good night (2062) Bad night (776)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?

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(575): Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night? http://tfl.nu/drd1

Replies (9) Good night (3269) Bad night (658)
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(229): View more from Georgia

Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes

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(229): Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes http://tfl.nu/ukqo

Replies (3) Good night (715) Bad night (1023)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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(+44): That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard. http://tfl.nu/cdhm

Replies (20) Good night (4851) Bad night (762)
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(425): View more from Washington

It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.

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(425): It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably. http://tfl.nu/2r5e

Replies (11) Good night (1404) Bad night (460)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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(907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4

Replies (13) Good night (659) Bad night (529)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card

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(217): I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card http://tfl.nu/8646

Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (270)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.

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(920): Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass. http://tfl.nu/fgjj

Replies (0) Good night (490) Bad night (347)

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