This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
