Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
