Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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