I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
