I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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