We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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