why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
