They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM VODKA MAN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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