3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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