i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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