I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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