So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
