I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
