i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
