I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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