she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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