fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
