so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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